Transforming Grace – coaching, mentoring and workshops for couples who long to restore intimacy.
The words you use when speaking to your friends, family and others can destroy or develop the intimacy of your relationship. You have friends, coworkers, family members who are truly in need of a word that builds them up, not only for a moment, but for a lifetime. You have the power to speak a word of encouragement to them that they may carry with them the rest of their life. You also have the same power to speak encouraging words to you!
“For years, I knew myself to be fat and unlovable. I believed that I did not deserve to be loved because of the many mistakes of my past. I sabotaged every relationship I can remember from the time I was in high school until I met my wife.”
When you are okay with the person you see in the mirror, it will show on your face, in your daily activities and in your voice. That will change the way you treat yourself, the way you treat others and ultimately the way the world treats you. Let me tell you a story of my own journey from self-loathing to growing intimacy.
For years, I knew myself to be fat and unlovable. I believed that I did not deserve to be loved because of the many mistakes of my past. I sabotaged every relationship I can remember from the time I was in high school until I met my wife. We had been married close to ten years when she said the words I feared the most. “We need to talk.” My stomach was in knots for hours while I waited for the right time for us to be alone. I had been telling myself all day, “It’s over, she found someone better. You hurt her for the last time. She finally found you out and you are gonna lose it all.” I was somewhere between angry and just plain nauseous. I was not sure if I wanted to cry or throw up.
“I chose you to be my husband because I love you, and I know God sent you to be a gift to me.”
As we sat on the end of the bed, I was shaking and choking back the tears. When she took my hand and began to speak I was taken so totally off guard I cannot remember how I reacted, but I will never forget her words, “I chose you to be my husband because I love you, and I know God sent you to be a gift to me. When you tell me over and over how ugly you are, how terrible you are and how I made a huge mistake it hurts me. I sometimes have to wonder if you are right. I do not want to believe that. I need to you to stop. I need you to realize that I do not see you the way you think I do. I love you for who you are. I forgive you for what you have done and I want you to see you the way I do. Please stop trying to convince me to leave.”
Examine the words in your word bank, your vocabulary, your daily speech and look for words that cut down, wound, cause pain, fear, and doubt and target those words for elimination. Take some time to do that now.